New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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