it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize