Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
