I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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