Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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