The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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