I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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