Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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