Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
