I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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