please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
