I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
