Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you will always have a special place in my vag
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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