I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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