i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
