are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
