She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
