My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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