direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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