Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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