so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
