all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
