He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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