When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
