Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
