I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize