id be glad to
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
