mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
