The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
