I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
