I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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