seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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