East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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