She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
