he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
