It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
