You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
