so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
