he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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