I wanna bring you to show and tell
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my shit smells like andre
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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