this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
