i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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