..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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