Screwed.edu
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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