she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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