Pants 0. Shit 1.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
