You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We're not piercing ourselves today.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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