they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The power of my boobs compel you
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
