no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I want to be your penis for a week.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
