either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Randomize