and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
