Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
