I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
