it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We're using joints as your birthday candles
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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