If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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