is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
