Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
