All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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