Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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