i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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