yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize