how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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