we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
