i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
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