remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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